Cleaning Issues
by ChengingSeasons
Summary: Levi was so not in the mood. He can't stand a fucking dirty corridor and, to make things worse, shitty-glasses decided to mock him to death. And then Eren appears along with his horse-faced friend who Levi doesn't really remembers his name and - whoa - Levi discovers he needs glasses. And then he panicked. Then again, Levi was so not in the mood.


Levi was _so _not in the mood.

Maybe it was shitty-glasses who was annoying him as always. Maybe it was that odd tension in the air that appears whenever they didn't have a fight against titans for three days or so. Maybe it was Eren and his stupidity that was pissing him off.

Or maybe it was just because _nobody _has the damn ability to actually _clean _those fucking rooms, instead of just sweep the floor. And they didn't even know how to sweep correctly!

He should just give up and let them live in their dirty rooms. _They _are going to catch a disease someday, after all. Levi was perfectly fine in his tidy little room. He was going to sleep in c_lean sheets_, his floor was polished properly, his desk was free of any kind of dust and his door…

_There were drops of blood on the floor under the door. _

Levi's eyebrows twitched. These drop weren't there twenty minutes ago, he was sure of that. And those drops were kind of familiar, because they were the same kind of stain Shitty-Glasses has in her lab. Fuck her and her experiments.

"_That's it." _ He thought. _"I'm gonna clean this whole fucking place. I can't stand it." _There was no way he was going to live in a dirty place like that.

Levi grabbed his apron and his cleaning stuff and opened the door, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before he faced the corridor in front of him. He had a feeling that things were worse than he expected.

And _holy shit_, things were way worse than he expected. He had expected a very dirty corridor, but he had _not _expected the representation of Hell on earth.

There were dirty spots in almost every inch he could see and the floor was full of blood – thanks to a certain shitty-glasses – and leftover food. And that _smell_, for fuck's sake! Who could stand that?

Picturing images of Hanji hanged and some brats suffering, Levi grabbed the sponge and started scrubbing the wall.

"Those fuckers are so gonna deal with me later."

x-x

Everyone who passed through Levi couldn't help but stare at the Corporal, clearly dumbfounded. Sometimes he was scrubbing the wall, or maybe the floor; sometimes he was furbishing the floor or sometimes he was just trying to wipe some dirty spot out. But he was always focused, not giving a damn about the fact that he was blocking pretty much the whole corridor, since it wasn't what you would call big. His poor subordinates didn't know what to do, because – well – how could they gently ask for the Corporal to get out of their way, when the Corporal in question is _Levi Rivaille_ and he was currently doing what he likes most: c_leaning _¿

Well then, fortunately there were a few people who knew how to deal with Levi-freaking-Rivaille.

"Leeeeeeeviiii, my dear! Whatcha doin'?"

Levi's back perked up and he raised his eyes, staring intently at those flickering eyes behing the glasses.

"Get the fuck out Shitty-Glasses, I'm not in the mood to deal with you today."

"Awww I see. But Leeeeeviii since you're so moody today, how about we explore a bit outside? I _need _to get some exotic fruits out there, and I'm sure you're gonna enjoy spilling all of your fucking mood outside! "

"No."

"C'mon, Levi, you –"

"I said _no_. "

They had attracted some nosy fuckers who wanted to see what was happening and –oh - those fuckers happened to be his subordinates. So much for the lucky-Levi. He could hear some of them whispering, and he caught phrases like "_Oh God, she's crazy" "He's gonna kill her here and now!" "How brave Hanji-chan is!"_ and refrained the sudden urge to puke.

"Levi, you bastard, you're doing _nothing _here, now _c'mon _sloth-ass, let's get some fresh air!"

"I'm pretty busy here, thank you. Go bother Eyebrows ."

"_Busy?! _You're not even cleaning it perfectly! I can tell when you're not focused, Levi!"

_Now _he was definitely annoyed. How dare her accuse him of not cleaning ít perfectly? He was Corporal Levi Rivaille, the clean freak nonetheless. And she was just Hanji, the Titan-obsessed, who knows _nothing _about cleaning!

"Enough, Hanji. Get out of here, I don't need to hear you complaining about _MY _cleaning when I know you'd do much worse. Now go away, shitty-glasses. I need to finish this before 16:00." Levi's look was as bored as ever, but Hanji could tell he was serious now. His gaze darkened and she knew, at that moment, that she would have to use different tactics.

"Okay, I get it, I'm going." She heard him mumbling something like "at last", but chose to ignore it. "_BUT _I'd like to say before I go that there's a _huge _spider web right in front of you, where you've just cleaned, so I have the right to say that you're not cleaning it properly."

Levi's eyes widened in the slightest as he turned his head towards the said spider web - but he saw nothing. His eyes searched for the spider web madly, only to find nothing but his usual cleanliness. Levi turned to Hanji again, fury burning in his eyes.

"Hanji, as a decent Corporal, I'll warn you now so you won't do it again: do not fool me. Next time you do it, I'll break that spine of yours wonderfully. "

Hanji seemed confused, but Levi wasn't going to make a fool of himself _again_. It was bad enough he couldn't beat her up here and now.

"Levi, I'm not kidding. There IS a huge spider web in front of you. Can't you see it?"

Levi clicked his tongue, annoyed. She was asking for it, really.

"Hanji, get out of my way so I won't punch you. _Now."_

She was going to retort something, when they heard some weird noises from behind. Slowly turning around, they saw someone running into them, pushing the crowd that was watching them aside. It was… weird, to say the least. "Someone" looked like a crazy man, running and yelling at someone behind him.

Levi narrowed his eyes.

_Oh. _It wasn't "someone". He was the shitty brat.

His day couldn't be better.

"JEAN, YOU HORSE FACE, STOP FOLLOWING ME! I WON'T KISS YOU, YOU BASTARD!"

Levi's eyebrows twitched. He wasn't going to ruin _all the work _he has done until now, was he? Levi saw Eren stumble on the feet of someone in the crowd and watched, horrified, as he fell down and hit his feet in the wall. _The very cleaned wall. _

Yes, he was going to ruin everything. Shitty brat.

"BRAT!"

Eren looked up a bit lost, and his face paled when he saw and felt Levi's gaze. Desperately, Eren checked the wall he has just hit and he saw the dirty spot he had done with his feet. "_Ow, fuck."_

_"_I'M SORRY CORPORAL! I'm so, so sorry! I'll clean it up, I swear, please don't beat me I'll do anything you want, but please – WHOA, WAIT!" Eren's eyes widened as he walked towards Levi. "Corporal Levi sir, what a BIG spider web! It's so amazing! I can see why you didn't clean it, its design is _awesome." _

Eren looked amazed by the spider web and Levi, poor Levi, looked like he was going to explode in fury.

"Eren. Hanji. I'm _so _gonna kill you both. You planned this, didn't you? You fuckers."

And suddenly Eren received a punch in the face. It wasn't strong enough to break his nose, but it was strong enough to make it bleed and look purple instantly. Eren was lost; what had he done wrong now? Did he say something? Poor Eren was totally lost, trying to figure out what the hell he had done this time.

Hanji, on the other hand, was more aware of the situation. As soon as Levi got near her to punch her, she immediately threw her glasses on his face and jumped away from him. Angry Levi was _never _a good combination, but she knew how to handle him. Sometimes.

Levi stopped everything abruptely. Suddenly, he was weating Hanji's glasses and _fucking hell_ , everything is clear now. He could see every tiny detail, like Hanji's little ward, Eren's dapple and…

… _and that huge, monstrous, enormous spider web. _

_"_WHAT THE FUCK? "

Hanji laughed as she walked towards Levi, adjusting her glasses on him. She was kind of blind now, but she thought Levi's issues were more important right now. He was kind of blind too, apparently, so she'd lend him her glasses for a while until he got one for him.

… Levi wearing glasses, uh? Who knew?

Eren was trying to laugh too, but his bruised nose made it a little bit more difficult. His eyes were shining with amusement, though – that kid was very happy sometimes, it was an understatement.

"Corporal…? Oh, Corporal Levi sir, you're so _cute _with glasses!" Eren's laugh was weak, but truly happy. "We can buy a three-color glasses for you! You're gonna be so _trendy_, Corporal!"

Levi wasn't even hearing whatever the brat was saying. He was seeing everything clearly now: all the dirty corridor, the corridor which he spent hours cleaning, was _still dirty. _Sure, it was cleaner than before, but there were some dirty spots that were _unacceptable! _And that spider web… Levi thought he was going to cry.

Fuck Hanji, fuck spiders, fuck glasses, fuck his eyes, fuck Eren, fuck everything.

"~ Don't worry, Levi, you look good ~" He scowled Hanji in the stomach while she giggled, and felt his glasses slipping.

Oh, no.

Levi adjusted the glasses and took a deep breath. 1..2..3..

His glasses slipped again.

"HANJI! How the hell do you manage to stop these glasses from slipping?"

"…Oh." Hanji tilted her head to the left, analyzing Levi's face. "It's a matter of skins, really. Apparently your skin is oily, so you just have to deal with it. I could always try to make a lotion for you, though – let's see if it helps."

"My skin… is oily?"

Hanji furrowed her eyebrows. "I guess? Didn't you listen to what I've just said?"

Levi collapsed, eyes looking hopeless. "_filthy, filthy,filthy,filthy, why, why, filthy…" _

He heard Eren laughing somewhere behind him, mumbling something between his laugh. He didn't bother trying to figure out what he was saying, walking towards him ready to give him a second punch, but he was interrupted by Hanji, who was looking somewhere across that crowd – why were these people _still _there? Fucking nosy people.

Eren, then, stood up in a second, looking annoyed and panicked at the same time.

"JEAN, GO AWAY! "

Then a tall, horse-faced brat appeared in the middle of the crowd, and Levi realized that he was the brat Hanji was staring at before. Well, honestly, Levi couldn't blame her: that brat was _weird_. His hair was messy and his face was dirty with food – he probably was some kind of monkey-brat or something.

"Eren, c'mon, it's just a dare!"

Oh, so the brats were playing truth or dare? Interesting – now he has an excuse to beat them up. A _good _excuse, because they were supposed to be training, not playing a fucking childish game.

But, then again, Levi didn't expect them to be any better.

"Jean, I'm not kissing you, _now or ever!_ Go kiss Marco, Armin or whoever the fuck you want to kiss!"

"But the dare was to kiss _you ~ "_

That brat – whose name was Jean, apparently – started to run again, chasing after shitty brat. Too bad he stumbled on his own feet and fell down, just like Eren did a few minutes ago. Well, at least he didn't hit the wall and –

And he messed up the floor with his bleeding face against the floor.

Levi's eyebrows twitched.

He was _so_ not in the mood.


End file.
